i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
Randomize
