All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
Randomize
