I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
Randomize
