weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
