i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
Randomize
