Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
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