So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
