i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
Randomize
