Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
Randomize
