You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
Randomize
