Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
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