he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
Randomize
