Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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