I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
Randomize
