sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
Randomize
