If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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