He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
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