i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Randomize
