Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
Randomize
