yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
Randomize
