Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
Randomize
