Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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