if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
party gras won. party gras always wins.
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
Randomize
