We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Randomize
