I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
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