At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
