I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
Randomize
