I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
Randomize
