theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
Randomize
