girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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