I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
We had sex on a dog bed..
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
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