Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
Randomize
