In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
Randomize
