There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
