I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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