He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
I won't apologize to a one balled man
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Randomize
