So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Randomize
