I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Randomize
