What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
Randomize
