She's JV to your varsity
I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
Too much gin, very little bucket
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
Randomize
