i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
i wish my penis had a tongue
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
