So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
Randomize
