Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
