Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
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