She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
