Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
Randomize
