Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
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