walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
3pm strippers are depressing
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
