Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
my god I love twenty year old dicks
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
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