Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
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