I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
Blow job season was short but glorious.
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
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