tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
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