Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
Randomize
