I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
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