Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
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