Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
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