Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
Randomize
