I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
I think I won the penis lottery.
Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
In America we eat man semen.
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Randomize
